it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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