JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
