69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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