I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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