I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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