Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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