standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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