the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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