I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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