It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
