Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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