arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
