mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
