New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
