I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
