The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
