Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
