No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
