just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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