Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
