I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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