Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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