I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize