Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
