Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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