The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
