In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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