Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
