and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
