I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
