even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
