So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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