areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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