How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
