did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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