all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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