its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
