Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
