Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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