after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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