i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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