he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
