Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
