I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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