Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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