Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
