I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
