remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
