ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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