I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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