I hope mine doesn't look like that
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
