Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
