Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
