I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
