My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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