Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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