You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
