Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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