I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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