Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
