Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
