Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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