how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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