i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
